Letting Go of Control: Part II
Letting Go of Control: Part II
In my last post I addressed how to “spot” situations in which you exert control. This post will examine more concrete steps to take to wipe out this “stain” that wounds your soul and spirit.
Again, start to recognize when you have this issue (see previous post). Reflect on how damaging it is to take control, that you are verging if not in fact serving the dark side. Do not let yourself slip up, allow no room for excuses. Ask the Universe for guidance.
Make sure you are opening your ears. Once you ask for guidance, you will receive clues. You might have an internal understanding after an event in which you attempt control or may have others who warn you or ask you to examine this issue. Make sure your heart, eyes and ears are fully open to hearing and seeing the signs.
Keep on asking the Universe to show you, time and time again your missteps in this area. We are often afraid of our ugliness and hide from it. Now is the time to let go of pride, and be open to everything which is presented to you. When you see the dark spots in your spirit, ask for forgiveness. If you are a Christian, pay attention to Psalm 51.
Decide again, to take full accountability and responsibility for all of your past actions (especially when they have been control based and hurt others).
Examine once more your sincerity in letting go of everything which is holding you back. Do you really want this or do you want to control how you will get over control?
Look at any power struggling you are doing. With a boss, spouse, family member? Realize that power struggles do not serve any relationship, except to damage and cause strife. Let go. Let another “win” if you have to. You probably don’t have the judgment right now to determine “rightness” and “wrongness”, you have no objectivity. If you power struggle and have a sharp tongue, stop the harsh words immediately. Stop wounding with unkind speech.
Decide to be open. Let go of any defensiveness or any entitlement you have to staying in control (i.e., “People are mean to me so I must protect myself.”)
Be in the “flow”, letting everything run through you (emotions), without judgment or needing to analyze. Feel what you feel but don’t dwell on the feelings.
RECEIVE! Be open to receive as well as when you give. Give and receive both with joy in your heart.
Be grateful to receiving EVERYTHING that comes to you, give praise for when people want to give you love.
Respond/receive in the moment- DO NOT try to anticipate how you will respond, receive, act (this is just another form of control). Everything is a test, you must respond in each moment appropriately as each opportunity presents itself.
Surrender. Ask the Universe to take over, show you whatever is necessary, deal with you however necessary. You no longer have any entitlements or “rights”. Ask the Universe to make you truly human. You belong to God/Universe, not yourself, not your control, not those whom you make an idol.
If necessary, again revisit the times when you’ve hurt others, when you’ve failed to let go. Take inventory of these events, take responsibility, vow to make amends, apologize whenever possible. Were others a mirror to you with their control issues? What can you learn from them?
Other behaviors to consider:
Look at your issues of commitment. Are you doing what you say you will do? Are you completing anything?
Are you being passive-aggressive (especially if you’re a woman?)
Are you holding onto entitlements?
Are you being defensive still and power struggling?
Are you fully hearing others?
Vow to see this issue through until it is no longer an issue. Fall down, get up, repeat this process as many times as needed until it has no hold over you. Decide you will see this through to the end, no “outs”. Darkness will act just at the time when you’re going to make a breakthrough.
Know you will be successful with the help of God/The Universe and only God. Do not rely on your own strength, let go of the pride.
Pray daily/hourly, ask for instruction, ask for opportunities to let go, let down, let down walls.
Pray and memorize Psalm 51 (especially if you are a Christian). Meditate daily on service and on receiving and releasing control.
Continue to ask the Universe for forgiveness.
Decide to serve (get out of yourself and your selfishness) instead of self-pity, moping about, do something constructive (just don’t sit there and think about this issue, DO SOMETHING special for someone else. Think about others constantly and what you can do for them, how you can help and serve.)
Do not worry about outcomes from helping others (will people act the way you expect them to, will they give you back what you think you deserve, these are not question in which you need to focus). People will respond to you how they choose to respond, you have no control over this. Stop expectations or “getting hurt”.
Give up rebelliousness.
Be vigilant, daily. Serve, respond, ask for help, ask for guidance. Do everything with joy in your spirit.
Ask for anything unholy to be killed within you.
Continue to listen.
This final step may be the biggest frog to swallow. If you have control issues, at your core you have issues with receiving, particularly love. Be open to love. Be open to joy. If you are open to God, you therefore are subjecting yourself to be open to an infinite love. Let yourself feel this desire. Seek that which is holy. Praise every moment that you are taken care of, loved, where God/The Universe will never fail you nor forsake you.