Letting Go of Control
Letting Go metformin hydrochloride 1000 mg of Control
Unfortunately, exercising rigid control in many areas of my life has been a longstanding reality. Initially learning this behavior, to “control” an out of control environment during a difficult childhood was a means for survival. As I’ve matured with the goal of maintaining strong and loving relationships with others, the nasty grip of control has not served me well.
In one’s initial examination of this issue within oneself, the usual conclusion is, “Hey, I’m really not that controlling.” So, basic denial. Down the road a bit, one typically meets the issue of this ugly demon yet again. If this is your experience, listen now! Don’t wait until you’ve been given so many chances to change this behavior that the consequences grow more steep and painful. Open your ears. Open your heart. Put your pride aside. Listen to what others or the universe are trying to teach you. These stirring thoughts and clues are actually a gift.
Giving up control is a central goal of walking any true spiritual path. Since the end result of walking the path is true freedom, then giving up all control or illusions of control must be dealt with at some point along the path. For many, this is a deep and central issue. It must be watched and monitored. For those on the path, they need to deeply desire GIVING UP, completely and at every level their obsessive need to have their way and to have their control.
Let’s say over a few weeks that you believe that you’ve given up control for awhile. You let others have a say, you let things just “flow” or you don’t need to have things turn out the way you thought they should. You’re in great shape now, you’ve mastered it! Aren’t congratulations in order? Well not really. You may have jumped the gun too soon. For some of us it is years too soon. This issue is not dealt with overnight. The degree of strength of the powerful but ultimately destructive ego-self will determine how long it takes to master letting go of this basic instinct.
Now we are aware that control can in a sneaky manner creep back into our spirits and that it can take time to eradicate. What are the best ways to overcome it?
Truly look at your desire to eliminate all control. Are you still in denial that it has an impact on your life? Acknowledge fully that this must end in your life. Make a commitment to yourself to end it and its manifestations.
Whenever you catch yourself trying to exercise control, don’t give yourself excuses as to why your behavior was ok in this instance. Kill the excuses, kill the defensiveness. If others offer excuses for you to protect you or make you feel better, do not buy this BS just because it is coming from someone else. Own up to it. See that it had the effect of being anywhere from mildly irritating to severely damaging (to yourself and others). Make a commitment to do better and not make the same mistake. Ask for forgiveness from others if you’ve hurt them. Forgive yourself. Then move forward in love and peace.
Also be aware of the ways we justify the use of control. It could be because we think we’re trying to protect someone else (we know when we make this excuse). Or when we are just trying to be helpful. Then there are the basic scenarios where we excuse our controlling nature such as, “Well I acted that way because I was scared.” or, “I was hurt so I wanted to protect myself.” These lists of excuses unfortunately can be carried on ad infinitum. Allowing yourself loopholes or excuses only makes the process of truly letting go of this destructive habit more difficult.
Examine the situations in which you exercise high degrees of control. With a spouse? Every time there is a decision to be made about dinner? Every interaction you have with your child? Notice these areas that are hot buttons. Monitor yourself closely during these times or interactions. Look at bodily clues. If you start to feel anxiety each time your child acts up and you want to remain in tight control (the inappropriate type, not the type that you should naturally exercise around your child), calm yourself first, decide not to use your power to control the event, then respond.
You cannot have a loving, close or integrity filled interaction with another when you attempt to exert your will when it is not appropriate. Trying to remain in control sets you up as the person who decides how things go, negating or denying the power of the person you have a relationship with. It is not up to you to decide through your control. You are inappropriately using your power and manipulation to direct someone else. This desire does not in an honest manner support the free will of another and is in fact a vehicle for the dark side to present itself. Again it is up to you, so kill it now. Live in joy instead. Let yourself experience true freedom. Know that you do not belong to yourself. Do not trap yourself with your own wants, needs and desires. You cannot be useful to the Universe until every last seed of this desire is eliminated. The time to decide to let go is now.
In peace and light,
Nicole
